The Best Thing Ever
by Double Stuffed Oreo
Summary: -"Ryou!" Bakura suddenly rushed into the kitchen, where the other teen was eating a piece of toast. "Buy me this!" Ryou put down his half-eaten toast and sighed. "What is it this time, Bakura?" "Only the best thing ever!" Warning: full of nonsense


Author's Notes: First pointless fanfiction, yay.  
Warnings: Pointless, humorous, and downright stupid. Don't read if you have no sense of humor.  
Legal Stuff: Yu-Gi-Oh isn't mine.

* * *

All was silent, so unlike the common noise and commotion of the Bakura household. But of course, the silence only lasted about a rough five seconds.

"Ryou!" Bakura suddenly rushed into the kitchen, where the other teen was eating a piece of toast. "Buy me this! Please, please, please, _please!"_

Ryou put down his half-eaten toast and sighed. "What is it this time, Bakura?"

"Only the best thing ever!" Bakura shouted, shoving the paper ad in the younger albino's face.

Ryou grabbed the advertisement that was rudely shoved in his face by his older brother and looked at it.

"A… A blow-up kiddie pool…?" Ryou asked, a snowy eyebrow upraised.

"Complete with a hose and water slide!" Bakura exclaimed, practically bouncing at the side of the table. "And it has fishies on it!"

"Why on _Earth _would you want a kiddie pool?" Ryou asked, rolling his eyes as he practically threw the ad back into the man's face.

"You know you want it too!" Bakura argued, crossing his arms in a pout.

"You are such a child," Ryou said.

"Says the guy who cried during 'Finding Nemo'," Bakura said under his breath.

"That was a touching movie and you know it!" Ryou yelled back with flushed cheeks.

"Right…" Bakura replied sarcastically.

"Well, whatever," Ryou growled. "We're not getting the pool, and that's final."

"You're so mean to me!" Bakura wailed as he burst into tears. "I hate you!"

Ryou just shrugged.

"You know what, you're just a… A…" Bakura stomped his foot. "You're a douche!"

"No! Bad Bakura! Bad!" Ryou shouted as he sprayed Bakura with a spritz bottle. "We do not use that language in this house!"

The water from the spritz bottle only added to the older teen's tears and wails, so Ryou put in his 'In Case Bakura Throws a Fit' earplugs, and got out his 'In Case Bakura's Wails Cause You to Wear in Case Bakura Throws a Fit Earplugs' megaphone.

"Stop your crying!" Ryou screamed into the megaphone, and the older man's sobs and wails reduced to whimpers. Ryou nodded, satisfied, and took out his earplugs. "Good."

Bakura glared. "You're such a-"

Ryou threateningly upraised his spritz-bottle. "Say it, I dare you."

"…You're a butt-face."

"Better, but stop insulting me."

"If I stop insulting you, do I get the pool?" Bakura asked hopefully.

"No." Ryou said flatly.

Bakura gave his biggest, saddest puppy dog eyes.

"You know those don't work on me," Ryou said in a bored voice.

"Come on Ryou, please," Bakura begged.

"Oh all right," Ryou sighed. "But you have to wash the dishes from now on, and you owe me _big _on my next birthday."

"Yes!" Bakura yelled as he jumped in the air. Then he started to dance in a circle and chant. "I'm getting the pool! I'm getting the pool! The one with the fishies!"

Ryou sighed and rolled his eyes as he watched his older brother dance around like a five-year-old. "Shut up or you're not getting it."

Bakura silenced himself.

"Now get your shoes on so we can go to the store and get your stupid pool. I don't want to take you with me but I don't trust you here alone."

"Okie dokie," Bakura said with a salute, grinning stupidly.

Ryou rolled his eyes.

* * *

The two albinos walked into the local Wal-Mart. Ryou grabbed the nearest dirty cart and the two started off to the toy aisle.

"Ooh, look!" Bakura gasped as they walked down the aisle. "A Mrs. Cries-A-Lot. And over there they have Transformers!"

"Do you want the pool or not?" Ryou asked getting slightly angry.

"Oh. My. Gosh." Bakura let out a loud gasp. "Pokemon!"

"Come on," Ryou said, grabbing Bakura's hand and leading him to the water toy aisle.

"Okay," Ryou said with a sigh as he examined the many boxes of pool items. "There's a blue one with orange fish, and a green one with red fish. Which one do you want?"

The teen didn't get a response.

"Bakura?" Ryou asked, turning around to find that the man was no longer standing behind him. However, he froze as he gazed further down the aisle, mouth falling open at the sight.

There Bakura was, an orange pool noodle shoved as far into his pants as possible.

"Bakura!" Ryou screamed, marching over and yanking the object away and throwing it to the floor.

"Hey!" Bakura exclaimed. "Just because mine's bigger than yours doesn't mean you have to get all jealous!"

Ryou let out a long, slow sigh. "Stop it right now or there will be no pool _and _no steak for the rest of the month."

Bakura's face twisted with that of horror, and he cringed away, his eyes big and teary. "I-I'll be good."

"That's what I thought."

So the two walked back over to the pools.

"I want this one," Bakura said as he pointed to the blue one with orange fish on it.

"Fine," Ryou replied, putting it in the cart. "Oh, and while we're here we have to get some groceries."

Bakura let out a loud, long groan.

So the two started off to the food section. Ryou was busy looking at the cucumbers and celery – being the health nut he was – when he noticed someone was missing. "Bakura, where are y-"

The teen stopped as he turned around, for what he saw burned his eyes. Bakura had two big melons stuck down his shirt.

"Hey, Ryou, look, I'm a lady!" Bakura shouted, attracting attention of practically everyone in the food area. "Do you think I'm hot?"

"No, I don't, and if you don't put them back right this _instant _I will get out my phone, take pictures, and proceed to plaster them all over the Internet."

"So? I'm a sexy beast, remember?" Bakura said with a smirk, trailing his hands over the fruits shoved down his top.

"Well," Ryou smirked, "The Internet includes Malik."

Bakura's mouth fell open in shock, and as his hands fell to his sides, the melons slid out from under his shirt, cracking open and splattering along the floor as they collided.

Ryou slapped a hand to his forehead, groaning. "Bakura, I swear, if you touch one more thing, you will never, _ever, _see the light of day again."

Bakura gave his biggest, teariest, puppy dog eyes, shrinking away. "Douchebag."

Ryou growled, extracting the spritz-bottle and began spraying Bakura in the face. "No! Bad Bakura! Language!"

Bakura started hissing like a cat as the water made contact with his face.

Ryou stopped spraying him. "Now are you going to be a good boy?"

"Yes," Bakura mumbled as he wiped his face with his shirt.

"Good," Ryou replied. "Now, let's go to the checkout."

"_Finally!" _Bakura let out a loud sigh of relief. "We've been here forever!"

"We've been here fifteen minutes," Ryou muttered as he pushed their barely filled shopping cart towards one of the lesser populated lines.

"Same difference," Bakura said, shrugging.

After a few minutes the line went down and it was the two albinos turn. Ryou began to put the items on the conveyer belt and the cashier began to ring up the items with a bored expression on her face. All the while Bakura stood there, watching the conveyer belt with sparkles in his eyes.

"Ryou… I wanna ride it."

"Ride what? What are you talking about?"

And so Bakura pointed towards the conveyer belt with a shaking finger.

"That's not a ride, idiot."

"B-But how come the groceries get to ride it but I don't?" Bakura asked, lip trembling.

"You're not food. Moron." Ryou sighed, rolling his eyes as he packed the bagged materials into the shopping cart.

"Well, can I at least ride in the cart?" Bakura asked hopefully.

"No," Ryou responded as he started to push the cart towards the exit. "You're too fat."

"I am not!" Bakura said, aghast, and began to climb into the cart. "I'll show you!"

"No Bakura! Don't!" Ryou shouted in protest as Bakura sat on the eggs.

"See!" Bakura said in a pout, folding his arms. "I am not fat!"

Suddenly the cart started to rumble and it fell apart.

"Nice Bakura. Real nice," Ryou said holding his head in his hand.

Bakura sniffed, tears forming in his eyes. "I-I guess I am fat."

"You sure are. Maybe if you didn't sit on your butt all the time in front of the television, shoveling down chips and gummy worms and soda while watching stupid cartoons you wouldn't be in this mess," Ryou grumbled, rolling his eyes.

Bakura burst into tears.

"Stop crying, get up, and help me carry these bags," Ryou grumbled.

Bakura looked up, teary-eyed. "I can't! I'm too fat to move!"

"You're not fat, you're just a full-grown man who is too big to be riding in the shopping cart."

"S-So I'm not fat?" Bakura asked hopefully.

"No," Ryou replied flatly.

"Oh goody," Bakura said as he stood up, wiping his eyes. "I thought I'd have to get lipo."

And then the man grabbed Ryou's sleeve, and unceremoniously blew his nose.

"That's _disgusting!"_ Ryou yelled, pushing Bakura away. "What was that for, anyway?!"

"The crying made my nose run… And I didn't have any tissues," Bakura explained.

"Ugh. Just… Just get the bags," Ryou sighed out, grabbing a couple before Bakura did the same.

Ryou and Bakura walked out into the parking lot and put the bags in the back of their car and started to drive home.

Ryou was busy driving when he saw Bakura leaning over the backseat, messing with the groceries through his rearview mirror. "Bakura, get a seatbelt on before I slap you," Ryou shouted.

"I wanna hold my kiddie pool," Bakura whined.

"Oh gosh," Ryou sighed.

Bakura gasped.

"What?" Ryou asked.

"It's not here!" Bakura screamed.

"What's not here?" Ryou screamed back.

"My kiddie pool!"

"Oh, well, we must have left it at the store," Ryou replied calmly.

"Kiddie store pool at left?" Bakura asked, hyperventilating.

"Don't worry," Ryou replied, "We'll get it la-"

"Turn around!" Bakura commanded in a deep, manly voice.

"I can't here," Ryou said.

"I said turn around!" Bakura shouted, leaping up behind Ryou and grabbing the steering wheel.

"Bakura, let go of the wheel before we crash!" Ryou screamed in terror.

"No! I need my kiddie pool _now!_" Bakura roared, narrowly missing the other drivers as they traveled down the one-way street in the opposite wrong direction.

"Bakura, knock it off!" Ryou yelled, elbowing Bakura in the face and tugging his hair violently.

And yet, somehow, with all this going on, the two arrived at the store without getting in a single accident…but the same couldn't be said for some other people.

Ryou had barely managed to get into a parking place before the side door flew open, and Bakura leapt out of the car, hands on his hips, not noticing his blackened left eye or bloody nose.

"Hold on my kiddie pool, Daddy is on his way!" Bakura screamed, practically flying towards the store because of his speed, almost getting hit by cars. An old lady stood on the sidewalk and shook her cane in his direction, mumbling 'hooligan' over and over to herself.

Bakura rushed in, instantly running up to the register he last remembered, complete with the bored teenager.

"I want my kiddie pool!" Bakura screamed as he tackled the girl to the ground, beginning to beat her up, not even noticing the grocery bag sitting on the ground not even a foot away from the register, a box containing a kiddie pool sitting innocently inside.

"Give me my kiddie pool now, you kiddie pool thief!" Bakura roared as he repeatedly punched the young girl.

"Rape!" The young girl screamed. "Someone, like, get him off me!"

Ryou picked up the grocery bag containing the kiddie pool and took out his trusty spritz bottle. Ryou began to spray Bakura in the face. "Down boy, down!"

Bakura got off the young girl, growling and foaming at the mouth.

"I'm sorry," Ryou apologized as he helped the young girl up. "I'll try to keep him on his leash next time."

The two started to walk out of the store but not before Bakura could threaten the young girl.

"I'm watching you," he whispered, shaking his fist at her before he left.

As the two exited the store the old lady came up to Bakura and started hitting him upside the head with her cane. "Hooligan!"

"Ryou, help!" Bakura screamed, curled up in the fetal position on the sidewalk. "She's too tough for me!"

"Oh, come on," Ryou grumbled, grabbing Bakura by the hair and literally dragging him out to the car.

The old lady remained on the sidewalk, shaking her cane in Bakura's direction and yelling, "I'll get you crazy kids!"

Ryou forced Bakura into the backseat, forced him to wear a seatbelt, and forced him to keep his shoes on because his feet smelled so bad, but Bakura didn't care, too busy cuddling his kiddie pool.

And so, there was a strangely peaceful ride home. The minute they got back Bakura set up the kiddie pool out in the front yard. At the moment he was finishing to fill it up with water when Ryou came outside.

"Oh, hey, my bestest friend!" Bakura practically squealed, hopping from foot to foot, wearing only his swimming trunks. "Are you here to go swimming with me?"

"No," Ryou grumbled, worn out from the day's events. "I came out here to check the mail."

"Well poo on you then," Bakura muttered, somewhat hurt.

Ryou walked over to the mailbox and pulled out a pile of envelopes. "Bill, bill, bill, oh hey a magazine, bill…" Then, the teen raised an eyebrow. "Hey, Bakura… You got a restraining order."

"From who?" Bakura asked stupidly.

"The chick you mauled at the Wal-Mart," Ryou replied.

"Oh… Her," Bakura said in a sour voice, eyes growing squinty. "The kiddie pool thief."

Ryou sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Well, she won't be stealing this kiddie pool!" Bakura announced proudly. He stepped back and dive-bombed into his pool. Suddenly there was a loud _pop _followed by low hissing sounds, water splashing all over the grass.

Silence.

"Hey… Ryou…" Bakura started in a sad tone.

"What?" Ryou asked, knowing what was coming.

"It broke."

* * *

Author's Notes: End.  
Told you it was pointless.  
Review anyway?


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